


Lost Boy

by Madamegoethe



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Comedy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Minor Character Death, Romance, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-10-17 21:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10602804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madamegoethe/pseuds/Madamegoethe
Summary: The Doctor is left outside "Clara's Diner" and just can't cope - even though he doesn't know why. So he unpacks his guitar and starts playing. Again and again and again.In the meantime, Clara sits in a corner of her TARDIS and is utterly destraught herself.How long can Ashildr - I'm sorry, Lady Me - watch this?And might she have a solution after all?Sometimes, all it takes is a sacrifice, some forbidden time travel, time healing itself and things that don't even require a sun being burnt up to get two stubborn idiots on the right track again.





	1. Lost Boy or A Lady coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first Doctor Who fic! Bit ridiculous really, since I've been watching it for ages but I really never felt the need to do one myself.  
> Until now.  
> Twelve and Clara are so dear to my heart and seeing the um..."critique" mounting towards her and with Capaldi's looming departure in mind I just thought I'd give it a go.  
> To spoil and/or calm some of you down, the "minor death" tag refers to "Lady Me" or "Ashildr", whatever you want to call her.  
> I wrote this the way I did for several reasons:  
> 1) I love the way Twelve and Clara work! He plays the grumpy Scottish guy but secretly needs her love and guidance and she is all too willing to give it without being too patronizing and...well..you'll know or you wouldn't be here  
> 2) The whole Ashildr/Me story bugged me a bit. Giving her eternal life? Yeah sure..NO! She was smart enough to gain a shitton of wealth and then fall for some lionheaded alien - I don't think so.  
> She can control a whole street of aliens and a raven that brings death, but once a tattoo has been passed - whoops, sorry? meh.  
> Whether you disagree with me or not - fear not, I will not bring much of my personal quarrel into this story :)  
> 3) and most important of all: It was all too sudden! Yes, it was announced. Yes, Clara had her short speech. But..  
> Not for me and not here.  
> So here, we'll get a "fresh start" if you will, trying to cover everything from banter to that.first.kiss?  
> stay tuned and tell me what you think. I'd me most grateful!  
> And most of all, enjoy the new season!
> 
> PS: What really inspired me, actually almost forced me to write this, and a song I immediately fell in love with, a song, which, I feel, perfectly describes the Doctor as well as Clara and all of us - still waiting for their Hogwarts letters, waiting for the man in the blue Box to whisk us away, waiting for the door to 221B to open, waiting for the closet to open towards Narnia etc. - Anyways, I listened to this on a loop while writing and ...give it a listen, it's a gem!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58TBZnvyGwQ

In hindsight, he couldn’t tell what exactly made him step out of his TARDIS into the desert of Nevada again and look at it as if he’d seen it for the very first time. Well, technically, he did. What, with the vines and the flowers and HER picture and all that. And also with his profound memory loss.  
In hindsight, he could also, COULD, but never would, tell VERY exactly what had made him step out again to look. To look, take out his guitar and play that song. Over and over, until his tears flowed freely, unnoticed at first, until he felt them drenching his collar, his lapels, until his hands shook with barely held-back sobs and thus added an ugly note to his requiem to who-knew-whom.

He KNEW there was something, someone vital he was missing, and the fact that he couldn’t place what it was drove him crazier than any Dalek could ever have done. He begged and pleaded with his TARDIS, his ever, well, mostly ever, faithful machine and companion to help him, he searched every last bit of his nearly infinite mind palace but found only white noise when he arrived in front of one particular door.  
Normally, time passes fairly quickly for such superior beings as Time Lords, but this particular torment seemed to go on forever.  
He played, he pleaded, he cried, he doubted everything and himself, he broke down, but he never gave up. And then, he started anew.

In the end, it was Lady Me who suggested it, having observed both him and Clara, changing between apathy and fits of crying herself for two days now.  
She approached her carefully and cleared her throat „I have a suggestion. Maybe a solution“  
Clara, who until now had been caught in one of her phases of complete apathy suddenly tuned her head and looked at Me with her brown eyes so wide and full of hope that even the Lady Me couldn’t help but to be touched by it and, therefore, to be confirmed in the course of action she had secretly decided upon.  
„Look, I can’t really do with you moping around here, it’s not like we’re going to have many more adventures on other planets with you being like…that“ she tried to sound condescending „Also, him playing the same tune over and over and over really annoys me, I’d DIE rather than hear this shit one more time! And it doesn’t look like he’s gonna stop any time soon..really stubborn, that one – and he doesn’t even know you!“ she threw her arms up in the air, exasperated.

„So I guess…it’s been all nice and well our few visits - by the way, I really enjoyed Catuma, cats that keep humans for pets, what a delicious idea! Say hello to them for me should you ever get there again, will you?“  
At that, Clara wrinkled her nose at her, the most responsive she’d been in hours and finally asked „What…what’s this all about? What are you up to, Me?“  
„Oh you know“ She grinned, half-heartedly, „rewriting history, meddling with time, making sure you never get to the point where you make a stupid decision and have to die for it..that sort of thing“  
Clara gaped „But..You said you couldn’t! YOU said you couldn't cheat it alltogether! These were your exact words!“  
„Yes“ she smiled again, a sad smile this time „Someone still has to die. But as I said, I’d rather die than to hear him play that tune one more time..and seeing that I’ve lived way longer than I should have anyway – might as well call it quits now, what do you think?“ And before Clara could protest or even process, she pulled the lever.

When they stepped out of their TARDIS, Clara and Me were back in the Viking Village, just outside of the barn that had been attacked shortly before.  
Her eyes wide with shock, Clara could only whisper „No!“  
Lady Me looked around shortly, a look in her eyes that resembled…nostalgia? Then turned to Clara  
„I know what you’re going to say but please listen, we don’t have long. You and I both know that he did this out of a motivation he believed to be right at the time. He wanted to save someone. I never asked for this. I suffered, greatly. It took me centuries to even come close to accepting it and it was always hell for me.  
And don’t tell me this was meant to be!“ she raised her voice and waved at her impatiently as Clara tried to speak  
„You heard him „I burnt up a sun just to..oh no. That was the other one. „Time will heal itself. It always does“ You are the impossible girl. YOU in itself should be impossible. THIS should all have been impossible! I am impossible! Think about it! Think about how much easier this will become now! He might never have to suffer those four billion years, you might grow old..well, older, but at least he won’t forget about you and I will NEVER have to hear that fucking song again“ she barked out a dark, but weak laugh. She appeared to be..thinner?

„Me?“ Clara asked, concerned  
„Clara!“ she gasped, suddenly seeming bereft of a lot of her strength „ I have hidden the „gift“ he gave me back then before we came back here. He won’t be able to revive me. I am dying right now – In there and out here – In every Universe, if you will“  
„But…“  
„No..it’s good. I have wanted closure for so long. I have been..homesick! And to be back here, with my people, my family, my Dad…to die here“ she fell down to her knees, clasping Clara’s arms  
„You can start over again from here on Clara, there’s no tattoo, no raven, no me...no Me – but promise me something“  
„How can I help you? Please let me help you!“

The Lady Me smiled. Of course Clara would look for an out, anywhere, everywhere, for anyone, even for the person who made life more than difficult for her and her Doctor.  
She felt the grey of the veil reaching for her but tried to keep it at bay for one more moment, gathering her strength to look into Clara’s doe eyes once more and said  
„Promise me that you’ll tell him. This him. I was only a child back then but I’ve already felt it. And the more I saw you together…And these past few days...just…tell him“  
„What? Tell him what?“ Clara beseached her frantically, trying to claw at her, but the Lady Me slowly turned into Stardust at the same time Ashildr's life went from her body inside the barn a few feet away from her.


	2. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of feelings on either side. Clara knows and has experienced things the Doctor hasn't, and yet, the death of Ashildr/Me has happened at the same time for both of them. Just..differently. How will they react upon seeing each other (again)?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do forvige me for the short chapters - I do as the muse tells me to. And I always feel it's better to end it on a rather perfect sentence than to drag it on endlessly. But hey, here's the bright side: Pretty short update times ;)  
> Hope you enjoy it folks and if there's any critique, good or bad, let me know :)

Only seconds after Me’s body had faded away right under Clara’s nose, her hands still grasping at thin air, she heard a whailing from inside the barn followed by hurried footsteps and a desperate outcry of „Why?!“  
She was still too shocked to function properly, only now realising that there were tears streaming down her face, that she was still sitting in the dust in a Viking village where she never should be, that…oh God, that… was another version of her running around here somewhere?  
And she was still in her Diner’s dress up – how would she explain..

But no…No! Screw all of that to Skaro and back because she was capable of quite a lot, always capable of fixing everything, but the enormity of the situation, of everything that has – that might have just happened right now was just too much, even for her!  
As she still stared at her hands, unable to wipe at her face with them as of yet, she heard very familiar footsteps VERY close behind her.  
“Clara?” He looked about as dishevelled and lost as she felt, a hopeless, lost boy who had nothing but good intentions and now felt like he was the biggest fuck-up in the Universe.  
She looked up at him, tear-stained face, muddy clothes and raised hands as if in prayer, eyes wide and unsure, not knowing how to handle all these emotions that fludded her all at once.  
It seems like she -they- really did have another chance. If this wasn’t another very cruel dream.  
But at what cost? Especially for him? And for…

“Me” she choked out. “You?” the Doctor looked at her, puzzled.  
“A..A..She’s…dead?!” Clara coughed out, fighting with herself not to vomit at both uttering the words and looking at the Doctor’s face turning to steel.   
“Yes. Regrettably, she is. Thought you were there? I…you were right next to me and even berating me to… And I tried, I tried, Clara, I..”  
He kneeled down next to her, grabbing her hands with force, enveloping her small fists in his large ones and staring beseechingly into her eyes, as if begging her for forgiveness.  
“It just…”

Despite all that had happened tonight and in the weeks before, she knew when she was needed and what to do when she was needed and this time, it happened to be something the both of them needed. So she pulled him in for a very tight hug, right there on the dusty ground, drawing soothing circles on his back with one hand and stroking through his unruly strands with the other. He didn’t object, but he didn’t exactly reciprocate either. He was just limp in her arms, shivering, whispering “ I just..you said” Her heart broke and she wondered when she would tell him about it, when she’d have the courage.

But now, she said “Doctor, you tried so hard! You did your very best and that the very best sometimes isn’t enough is horrible, we both know that. But look what you did for this village and look what you did for M…Ashildr ,despite of it all! You gave her and her dream the recognition she always wanted! She was no longer an outcast for being a dreamer, she died a hero for it! I’m sure she would have appreciated that! You saved her in a way much greater than you can ever imagine. Be proud of that!”

She heard him sniffle softly in her collar and then he looked up at her, hints of red under his eyes “You really think so?” She smiled at him, a sudden wave of affection hitting her so hard, it made breathing difficult “I really think so” she whispered, and pushed an errant curl back behind his ear.  
“So…I’m still your Doctor, then?” the way he looked up at her, all hurt and scared puppy-eyes nearly broke her heart anew, even more so in the light of recent events, and she couldn’t help but send a silent prayer to the heavens or Valhalla or wherever Me would be now, to thank her for her sacrifice before she looked at him again, a love in her eyes and her heart that she never felt before and said  
“Of course. You will always be my Doctor!”


	3. We need to talk Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back together in the TARDIS, neither of them seem to have taken what happened well...or want to talk about it. Least of all the Doctor. So, what do we do about that?

They'd been drifting around for what felt like a few days by now. Not landing anywhere, not really talking much, just having tea, her reading, wandering about and occasionally marking some exams she always brought along, the Doctor tinkering with the TARDIS's tidbits or disappearing in one of her rooms, muttering to himself or being ambushed by Clara to eat at least a snack when he reappeared and the circles under his eyes seemed to be even darker than usual.  
Other than that, there hadn't been much conversation. Neither about what happened back there, nor about going anywhere new; not even about him dropping Clara off at her appartment.  
Clara felt guilty and still couldn't figure out how the fuck and when the fuck she would ever bring the subject up (if ever), and the Doctor..well..

But on the other hand, Clara was also still Clara, who noticed the evergrowing dark circles under her Doctors eyes, him moving about like a living skeleton in a jacket that was, by now, two numbers too large and frankly, starting to smell a bit, so one day, over a very forced breakfast that he wanted to gulp down again as fast as possible only to disappear again into the deapths of the TARDIS, she shoved her own guilt and worries aside and simply asked  
"Doctor, why are you still blaming and even torturing yourself for her death?"  
He stopped, his fork on the way to his mouth, egg trickling down onto the table and he looked at her as if she had broken some unspoken agreement  
"What makes you think I do? I don't! That's rubbish!" he answered, after a short blink, shoveling egg into his mouth with unneccessary force  
She could sense his hurt from the other side of the Galaxy, let alone the other side of the table, so she tried again, gently  
"Then what are you doing in the TARDIS all the time these days? Why haven't we been off to another planet, time, another adventure, you're usually so keen to.."  
"Ha! ME? YOU'RE the one who wants the full tourist tour Clara Oswald, I was just happy you kept quiet for a bit so I could do some repair work!" he spat out, throwing his fork down and sent egg flying everywhere.

She averted her eyes as she spoke again. It was hard enough as it was to keep the tears at bay, she couldn't manage to look at his wholly distressed face while doing it  
"Doctor" she spoke softly "we both know that this is not true. You normally pick me up on Wednedays and I complain when you don't bring me back for a longer time because of my kids, even if this is a time machine. If you trust me just one bit, please let me in, please let me help you! Because I really can't stand this any longer - whatever this is, you wandering around, getting no sleep, barely any food, getting worse by the day..please, please talk to me!" and for these last words, this plea, she looked up again, her big brown eyes meeting his red-rimmed blue-grey ones, she looked at him so beseechingly and open that something in him seemed to crack, but not yet break

"Fine" he murmured. "Fine..Clara Oswin Oswald, I'll have you know, you're a real...you're a..Oh for Gallifrey's sake! Give me a night, will ye, and I'll find us a planet and a place where we can talk, will you stop nagging now?"  
She grinned. Yes, for now she was nearly happy "If we're not getting conveniently attacked meanwhile and you're gonna finish your breakfast, then I am. One more bite for me?"  
He rolled his eyes "Yes Boss"


	4. We need to talk Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor takes Clara to a very special place to talk about what happened. A Very special place that misses a "tiny" little something. But we're not here for the adventure - for now!  
> At least, he finally talks!   
> So, will Clara open up herself?

"Earth" "Pardon?" "I said "Earth" - A time and place where we can talk and not be interrupted, somewhere nice and cosy. 19th century England still good for you? Summer, no worries, middle of August, I picked a sunny day in the country" he looked at her, waiting for her OK.  
She only looked bewildered.  
"Why ?" she finally got out.  
"You'll see" he grinned and sent the TARDIS spinning, leading Clara out onto a soft meadow in front of a marvellous 19th century villa only seconds later.  
"That is..that is.." she gasped, looking at the manor right in front of her "Yeah, Jane Austen's home . I remembered you liked her. She isn't home, away for the summer in London so we can even have a peek and tea, isn't that wonderful?!" he grinned at her.

At first, she was so angry that words failed her. After months of nagging him about Jane Austen he finally brought her here, only to reveal that the woman herself wasn't even present?!  
She tried to control her breathing and told herself that this is not how the Doctor, this, HER Doctor now, thought.  
And that this was actually quite sweet of him. Even though she was still a bit pissed off. And she definitely WOULD make him take her back here again sometime!  
"Ahem...so..what now?" she asked "Well,I've got a thermos and a blanket, I thought we'd snatch tea and some cups from the kitchen, then settle over there under that beautiful oak tree and...get it over with"  
Fine then. If he wanted to fake lightheartedness until they got to the real deal, she would, too.  
"Great idea, how about I'll go and fix the blanket while you go for the tea?" she said

He blinked, obviously thrown off track "But I thought you wanted to see.." "Another time..with her in it" Clara winked, grabbed the blanket and literally ran for he hills before he could answer.  
She did indeed have no trouble finding a spectacular tree that threw enough shade, spread the blanket and waited patiently, going over everything she wanted to say in her head again and again and again while she waited.  
She didn't have to wait for long.  
He brought tea, milk, sugar and even crumpets with jam which she didn't even want to know how he required, she was just thankful for some calming bit of relief.  
After he had sat down, he cocked his head and said "So"  
She mirrored "So"

He heaved a great big sigh, put another lump of sugar into his tea, stirred and said "You're really going to make me do this, are you?!  
Clara just looked at him, sipping her tea.  
The Doctor sighed again, looked at the sky and said " I...had this feeling that it was really very important that I saved her, you see? Not just because I liked her, or because you told me to, not even because she ..or that moment made me realise why I'd been given that exact face. It felt like..I had to save her, because if I didn't, I'd lose..everything.  
Maybe she was some..I mean, no, she can't have been, I have been to the future and back, it don't make no sense, but..there's this weird feeling I can't shake off, a sort of freight that's haunting me, and I don't know how to make sense of it and I...oy, stop smiling at me, why are you smiling at me? Tha's no' fair, I jus' said I can't get nothing out of it and you're sitting here and..Clara? You're crying, why are you crying? You are giving off mixed signals again, why are you doing that again, you know I can't deal with tho.. uff!"

Clara had knocked the breath out of him by tackling him and basically hugging him to the ground. She had looked for a right place and time to tell him the truth and she knew, she definitely knew, that this was it


	5. We need to talk III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara finally tells the Doctor the truth about what happened and thus lays the ground for things to come - but how will he react?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I needed a bit longer with this Update and also sorry that we're still doing the whole Explaining-thing - We're done very soon, promise!

She knew there and then that she had held it back way too long already, out of of pure selfish fear – fear of how he would react.  
She couldn’t keep her tears back any longer, she was so angry at herself!  
She had seen him suffer, questioning himself, the man that he was, the abilities he had, everything he was, down to his very core, and never said a word – and his words resonated in her “Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”  
Would he forgive her a second time? And for such a serious offense?  
She had no choice if she wanted to stay with him, if she wanted to stay true to herself and give them both the chance of a new, honest start.

"Doctor" she began, still unsure of how to say it "the thing is...you did save her. In another time, another scenario"  
He cocked his head and arched an eyebrow at her as if she were mad.  
"The thing you were looking for and couldn't find to save her - it was a chip, wasn't it?" she tried again  
Now, he gaped openly at her  
"But how did you..?"  
"I've seen it before, time travel, you know" she tried a weak smile "You saved her, made her immortal. We met her again, quite a few times, actually. She wasn't quite that happy with being immortal after all. She...she went through some rough patches. I guess you could call it puberty, only a couple century's late. And then..when you and her finally sorted it out and she seemed to be somewhat okay with it, we got a call from Rigsy, remember him?"  
"Ah yeah, nice chap, bit quirky, go on"  
"He...was worried about a sort of tattoo on the back of his neck - it was counting down hours and minutes and he couldn't remember getting it, couldn't remember where he was last night. So we all went investigating and finally found a hidden alley in London where all sorts of different alien races lived together peacefully but under very strict rules -guess who the "empress" was"

The Doctor, however apt he had been listening and watching her, remained quiet. Clara skittered, feeling uneasier by the second.  
"Go on" he finally said, softly, "I can imagine" "Um, well, yes, it was Me..Lady Me, that's what Ashildr called herself by then. It...turned out that Rigsy had been accused of killing someone on that street the night before and...gotten that tattoo, it counts down the hours before..before.." her voice wavered a bit as she tried hard to supress the memory and the emotions that came with it, the initial outrage she felt, then the naive optimism that they would figure it out again, as always, her sense of triumph at seemingly outsmarting the system by overtaking the tattoo and then..  
"you die" her head jerked up, the Doctor's solemn voice snapping her out of it.

She swallowed, looking into his unreadable, nearly blank eyes. "Yes. You die. The Raven. They have..a Raven. It...I'll get to that later." she quickly said, as she felt the tidal waves of fear and memory coming towards her once more, threatening to overwhelm her.  
"Anyway, we obviously tried to argue with Me..Ashildr, told her that Rigsy would never do such a thing and could she countermand the judgement, she said we didn't have to convince her of his innocence but the inhabitants of the street and then the tattoo would be gone automatically. If not.." "You'd die" the Doctor interrupted, darkly "Yes, I..can you stop saying that please? Jesus! So..we went ahead and did our usual stuff, obviously found some illegal alien activity as per usual that would prove Rigsy innocent only time was running a bit very short so I had this idea..because Ashildr said that while You and Me where in her street investigating, no harm could be done to us, that I could.." "Oh no Clara, please tell me you didn't!" The Doctor groaned " Let me guess, the tattoo can be transferred by touch or some such thing?" He stood, began pacing and elaborated with the help of his hands "And you, NOBLE as you are, thought...oh Clara, Clara, Clara...That is SO you, beautiful! Have I not told you, over and over again, to leave these things to me, to not play the hero, and there you were...And oh, here's the thing, let me guess further, obviously Ashildr was immortal, but because she promised that there was no harm to be done to either you or me, but now that you had the tattoo on you, and she was the empress or leader or whatever of the street, it did kill her off in the end, instead, and that was what sent us back to that crucial moment, hm?! Well done Clara, saviour of the Universe, well done indeed!"

Clara blinked. Of all the possible outcomes she'd figured that this conversation might take, this had not been one of them. He was clearly furious, pacing about, hands now in his pockets, eyes on anything but her.  
Finally, she looked down on the beautifully woven blanket again, for she could not face him a second longer and rasped "No Doctor. It was me. I died. The Raven did take me"


	6. We need to talk - concluded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, the big revelation is finally over and done with and here's the Doctor's (surprising?) reaction and Clara's little secret..

The change in the Air was palpable. The Doctor stopped his pacing, turned his head around so sharply that she feared he might crack his neck, dropped down on the blanket opposite her, cross-legged and very, very close, trying to get her to look at him with his intense stare and raised eyebrows, and when that didn't work, took her chin in his hand very gently so she had to face him.  
"What did you just say?" he stared at her, disbelievingly, his eyes full of...what?  
"I...I died. The Raven took me. A sentence can be passed on but the Raven cannot be outsmarted. You raged, you pleaded with her, you..threatened her, but in the end.."  
She saw his eys going wide, felt his long, delicate fingers still on her chin, felt the need to look away, stronger as ever, but she also knew that she needed to be brave for this, for the both of them, as she had been back then, so she continued, with tears rolling down her face  
"It really wasn't her fault, you know? As you said, I was..it was stupid of me! And I regretted nothing! I tried to be brave! I told you not to pursue her or any of them and said Goodbye to you and then I faced the Raven. It was..God, I really thought of Edgar Allan Poe and what a cliché way that is to die for a time travelling English teacher, can you believe it?" she snivelled, trying a smile

He still simply looked at her, hand now slipping  
"Anyway" she tried pulling herself together "I know you're already disappointed in me, and we came here for the whole story, so here goes the rest"  
And she continued to tell him everything, at least everything that she knew of, from his many years in his very own hell, to her resurrection, to Gallifrey and his personal Victory, to the crucial moment in the Tardis when he forgot all about her, and finally to the decision or sacrifice that Lady Me made, that brought the two of them back together. The only part she left out was his appearance in the Diner. She didn't really know why, it just felt too...intimate right now in this general recollection of events, when she didn't even know how he would react, whether he'd cut the cords with her for good, shout at her for meddling with time and space, accusing her of letting this happen, seeing her as the reason that he'd never see Gallifrey after all - she just wanted to have this. However petty and tiny "this" had been.  
When she had finally finished, the Doctor not having interrupted her once, very much to her surprise, he nodded, stood, and simply walked away.

It didn't surprise her. It was a lot to take in. Hell, it had been horrible for her to revisit it all again just retelling it! She only hoped he wouldn't leave her in 18th century England, because as much as she loved the writing, plumbing wasn't exactly top notch and the general hygiene was just deplorable!  
However, she didn't have to wait for long.  
He came back ten minutes later, eyes on the horizon, hands in his pockets, stopping just on the side of the blanket.  
Silence fell. She waited. She had talked enough, she surely wasn't going to be the one to speak the fir..

"You know" he said, still looking at the Horizon "In a way, I've been there. Some timey-wimey nonsense, probably. But, from what you've told me, wasn't even worth it, after all. Thing is, apart from saving all sorts of worlds, I've always only had this one goal, and that was to find and save my home. So now that that's over and done with..what do I do?" He kicked at a pebble.  
"You're aski..You...So...does that mean you're not mad at me for meddling with time and space, for surviving?" A tiny spark of hope lightened inside of her

He looked at her and said "Get up!"  
She hastily picked herself up, wiped the remaining crumpets off of her skirt and looked at him, expectantly. What now?  
"So?" she said  
"Clara Oswald" he said " you moved time and space for me when even I couldn't do it. You saved me! You were selfless over and over again when I was selfish to the point of bringing you back from the dead just because I mi..because I needed your advice. You just told me all of this, even though you were clearly scared because you didn't know how I would react. But you should, Clara Oswald, you should have known. Remember?" And he stepped closer to her, one hand under her chin again, using gentle force to make her look into his eyes, this time warm and gentle, and - could it be? - loving.  
"Do you think I care so little about you that betraying me would make a difference?" She whispered.  
He shook his head  
"This was no betrayal. You only did what you do best - Care for me and mop up my shit. And I really don't know how I can ever pay you back!"

She suddenly felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her chest. THIS was her redemption! And possibly even more than that! A promise?  
All of a sudden, she could hear the rustling of the trees around her, appreciate the lush green of the meadows around her, smell the strawberry jam and feel her tummy growling, even laugh at her skipping heart and she promised herself there and then that she would live her life to the fullest, from now on.  
So she took the Doctor's hand, squeezed it, put it on her heart, looked him straight in the eyes and said "We can start by having tea and crumpets here - and then, if you're up to it, another adventure, since I'm all back to human, normal and mortal again. And no more lies Doctor!"  
He squeezed it back, sat down, nodded and said "Very well Clara Oswald, no more lies. But then I need you to tell me what exactly I said at that Diner I saw in your head"


	7. A new start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their new promise is put to the test immediately - thank goodness there's telepathy and an understanding Clara.  
> The Doctor seems to have understood something as well - but what?  
> Anyhow, off we go now, new adventures in the TARDIS await...and could there be finally some romance on the horizon, now that the past is truly in the past and we are all the wiser?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shall hereby apologise for all grammar misshaps and especially for comma-stuff - I'm not a native speaker and my teachers neglected that shit so I'm basically putting them 50/50 where I'd put them in my language/where I feel they'd belong in English. I'm so sorry!  
> If you have the time or the benevolence to correct me / beta me, please do so ;)
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you enjoy!

Her buttered crumpet hit the blanket face-down and she stared at him. She knew she should not be surprised, but "No more lies Doctor, we literally JUST agreed on that!" " That was not a lie, just a wee bit of telepathy and it wasn't even intentional, well, not really, you were practically scweaminm i' ouph" he mumbled through a mouthful of Scone, face carefully calm but his glistening eyes betraying him.  
Clara swallowed, picked up another crumpet and thought very carefully about how and what to tell him - even though the sneaky bastard might have already had a peek.  
"You..you came in with your guitar, playing our song and.." "OUR song?" he interrupted her "I wasn't aware that we had a song"  
"well" she looked up at him, blushing "You know, that one you always play when I enter the TARDIS or when I'm around in general or when..I just assumed..." and she hummed it under her breath  
"OH!..oh..that" he muttered, now blushing himself but offering no further explanation "Go on"  
"Well, and then you told me that you've got the feeling that you've forgotten something important, that you've lost someone and then told me about ..Clara, about..how she was...um...well" In a way, Clara did want to tell him exactly what he'd told her, how important she was to him, but it would feel like boasting because he didn't remember it, and she also didn't want to break this fragile, newly-made bond. The other reason why she didn't want to tell him the whole truth..she waved it away, cursed her stupid human heart and continued "you told me about the adventures we've had. I served you coffee. That was basically that"

The Doctor cocked his head, pinched his eyes while looking at her and finally shook his head, sighing "Oh Clara, Clara, Clara! Accusing me of lying when we've just agreed on the truth and now you're telling me nothing but lies. Or at least, to get ahead of your English teacher self, obstructing the truth"  
She blinked at him, big brown eyes meeting surprisingly kind blue-grey ones "Sending of telepathic sparks again?" she asked, quietly  
"Practically bursting with them" he replied, smiling "Why didn't you want to tell me the rest?"  
"Glad I'm not that bloody seethrough after all" she mumbled  
"Pardon?"  
"I said...ugh, fine! You don't remember it and telling you how you told me that I was important and all would feel like boasting and making me more important to you than I felt, especially now, and I was also a bit..I don't know. It felt very..intimate and I was incredibly sad and I still can't quite believe that I've got you back and that we've got another shot, so maybe I want to keep that memory to myself, these few very nice words you said to me, about me, so I can cling to them should things go awry and this has been a dream after all. I mean..I know you've lost your memory and weren't entirely yourself but you've said such nice things and it did at least sound sincere and yeah, maybe I just want to keep that for myself...as pathetic as that sounds" she ended lamely, looking at the ground, another tear threatening to escape her eye

There was a long silence. Finally, the Doctor said "Clara, I'm not good with this, but if I have interpreted your words correctly you..you aren't sure whether that was my true self not only because I've lost my memory but because I've said nice things about you, which, in turn, must mean that I usually do not do such a thing and that you therefore wished to keep that exact memory because you..liked it?"  
She turned as red as the squares on the picknic blanket. Leave it to the Doctor to nit-pick the worst part of her human-ness out of her little speech  
"Yeah well, sorry Doctor, not all of us tiny pudding brains have an ego the size of the sun so yes, it did feel nice to be appreciated and..loved, I guess. Not that that was my point. It was more the connection and that I felt like you really cared rather than... oh why am I even trying to.."

"NO!" the Doctor suddenly exclaimed, jumping up and taking Clara with him "YOU didn't get MY point, my brilliant little pudding brain! I understood you, oh how I understood you! I am sorry it took me so long, and I will show you from now on, I will.."  
"What? Show me..Doctor? What the HECK are you talking about?" asked a rather dishevelled Clara, jam on her dress from the prompt disruption  
"You'll see, you'll see in due time, we're done with explanations and talking for now" the Doctor beamed, holding her hands "What do you say to a new planet, a new time, earth or wherever, past or future, action or calm, entirely your choice?"

She looked at him, his face shining with excitement, life and something else that she hadn't seen there before, making him not only younger but also kinder and softer and so...different but also and incredibly even more him!  
And even though she still had more questions, she simply nodded, smiling up to him, squeezed his hands and said "Catuma"  
"What?" "I'd like to go to Catuma please. That was Lady Me's and my first visit - lonely cat ladies and all that. Very friendly planet and they make a mean Mojito! I'd like to pay my respects there, she would have loved it. That okay for you?"  
She felt the TARDIS materializing around her before she even heard the sound - his TARDIS.  
"Of course Boss!" he smiled - and squeezed her hand


	8. Making up and making the future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trust me, this planet is not only famous for its drinks but also for its romeownce *sorry*  
> Nevertheless, it does seem our star-crossed travellers find their peace and quiet here...and possibly an (alcohol-induced?) confession
> 
> I apologise if the Doctor seems a bit OOC here, but I got a bit romanced away and I just needed these two to get together finally!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's interested, I was listening to this while writing it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDGJrAQ68SU
> 
> It's a german song, sorry, but the main gist is " Let me be your shoulder to lean on when the wind turns against you" and I thought that fit quite well. For which one - you decide ;)  
> I'll probably write a small final chapter after this one, just to make ABSOLUTELY sure, what with the Doctor being the Doctor and all, but I hope you enjoyed the story so far and thanks for sticking with them and me <3

It felt incredibly good to be back home! (Insofar as one could speak of "home" while travelling with the Doctor, that is)  
Clara touched the Tardis' console reverently and it lit up with a whirring noise, welcoming her back and making her smile.  
"Catuma you said?" the Doctor asked. Clara whirled around, looking at a grinning Doctor "will we make it in time for Happy meour?"  
"Oh you bet we will!" he chuckled and pulled the lever, causing both of them to hold tight to whichever bit of the Tardis was closest.  
They landed, as usually, about ten seconds later and Clara was about to run towards the door when the Doctor held her gently back with a soft "tut tut, haven't you forgotten something?"  
Irritated, Clara turned around, looking at him "What? Catnip for tips?" The Doctor smiled "Not a bad idea per se, but might I suggest you change into something more...un...demolished? I mean, far be it from me to criticize your choice of dress but you currently look as if the cat not only got the cream but also spread it all over you"

Clara looked down at her waitress uniform that looked, truth be told, rather worse for the wear by now, but another thing bugged her even more ""Far be it from you to criticize my choice of dress?" really, Doctor? You make comments about my style and make-up and face and hight all the time! wide-face, tiny, upturnt-nose, remember?"  
"Yes, well" the Doctor blushed and made to turn away "I just...I thought you might not have want the Catserns at your feet, licking your skirt clean, so..."  
Clara laughed "All right Doctor, I'll go and change. But it won't kill you to say something nice once in a while, you know?" and she gave him one last wink before she disappeared into the depths of the Tardis, looking for another outfit.

The Doctor blinked, not understanding. But...he was being nice, wasn't he?! Telling her she was short, which she was, made it obvious that they were a good fit, because he was tall, so he could lift her easily and she could look up when...Nonono, not going there!  
Well, maybe the wide-face thing wasn't exactly perfectly worded and..and..oh, he'd have to brush up on his earthling flirting skills!  
His successors had been somehow better at that - still not good, technically, but better.  
While he still mused, Clara stepped up the stairs again, short black etui dress that ended just over the knee and had a lovely carmen decolletée, black high heels and red lipstick.  
She tapped him lightly on the shoulder and as he turned around she made "meow", presenting her arm to him in a wide grin

He was speechless for a second and her eyes darkened  
"What, don't you like it?"  
He tried to reunite his left and right brain-halves enough to speak again  
"No, no..I mean, yes, you look...you look...breathtaking" he finally managed. Clara looked at him in amazement "You'll certainly charm the Catserns with that!" he choked out and took her offered arm, not noticing the slight disappointment in her eyes.  
"Yes" Clara murmured "The Catserns"

Thankfully, and if by instinct, the Tardis had landed close by the Cocktail Bar Me and Clara had been to on their first visit.  
It was a lovely spot, very local, right next to the beach and with live little lights all over the place  
"Two Cats on the Beach!" Clara shouted, as soon as the Barman caught sight of her and the Doctor "But!" the Doctor made to protest  
"Trust me!" Clara shushed him and patted his arm as hey walked on. He did.  
"Great to have you back mylady, where have you left your feisty friend?" the Catsern Bartender asked, a specimen standing up on his hind legs with very deft, five-fingered paws and a half-human, half-cat looking face that bore whiskers and a lot of fur.  
"I..." Clara felt her throat constrict "I'm sorry Tom, but Lady Me has chosen to go on beyond the Veil. It was time for her. My friend and I are here to mourn her death, celebrate her life and pass on her good wishes to you. She enjoyed your planet and company very much!"  
"I'm very sorry to hear that, my Lady!" Tom the Barkeeper said "But I thank you for coming back here to conveying her wishes and to celebrate her - of course, everything tonight is on the house, for you and your friend! Here's your two Cats on the Beach to start with"  
"Thank you so much Tom!" Clara said, stroking his ears softly "she would have appreciated that greatly!"

"So..."my Lady" huh?" the Doctor asked, once they'd turned around on their chairs, cocktails in hands and watched the fireflys flitting about over the beach. He sounded grumpy. Clara laughed "Oh come on, only because you're not adressed first by anyone for ONCE you don't have to be so grumpy! This evening isn't about you, you kow?!"  
"Me, grumpy? I'm not grumpy, I'm perfectly fine! See how fine I am, I'm drinking a perfectly fine cocktail, made by a perfectly fine cat-alien, calling you "my Lady" and was that close to proposing to you, but otherwise, I'm COMPLETELY fine!" and he sucked on his straw...grumpily  
"Doctor?" Clara asked, bemused "Could it be...that you're jealous?"  
"Outrageous!" he mumbled "of what? why would I be? Cats are stupid anyways!"  
Clara laughed outright now "Doctor, you know what?" "What?" "You're an idiot! Now drink that cocktail, then maybe three or four more, remember those questions and answer them later, mkay?"  
"I resent to being called an idiot by someone who is barely half my size!" he informed her "and if you want to get me drunk you're out of luck! Superior Time Lord physiology!"  
"Hmmm, we'll talk about that as well when you've had three more of those" Clara grinned and snapped her fingers for Tom

Turns out, it didn't take three our four more - it only took two more.  
The Doctor had shed his coat and opened the first two buttons of his shirt and sat in the sand, watching the ocean.  
Beside him, Clara, stroking his back and holding on to her fourth Cat on the Beach  
"Isso ...non...wavy!" the Doctor slurred, making a vague gesture towards the ocean, which had, indeed, waves that rolled rather smoothly to the sure of Catuna "Mhhhh" Clara made, grinning  
"Like your hair. Your hair's jus so...but then sometimes it is. When you make it..when you do that thing to it, with the hot twirly things"  
"Curling iron?" Clara tried to help him out "Yeah that! And it's...fasssshinating! Like you turn into a new person every time I see you but you stay the same...like...time Lords. Maybe you are a...a.." "Doctor, that's called Hair and Make-Up and pretty much every mortal can do that with a bit of practice. Also, I think you're pretty drunk, so we should probably get you back to the Ta..." "Nooooo, no, no I'm fine, I just need a little air and...what are you doing?" "I'm rubbing your back" "Whadda you doing that for?" "I don't know, to comfort you? So you don't fall over or get sick?" Clara replied, flabbergasted, drawing her hand back "M not...no..keep doing that..please?"  
He looked into her eyes and she smiled. Not a hugger my ass! She started rubbing soothing circles across his back again and they were silent for a long time, watching the waves crash on the beach and just feeling the nearness of each other.

"Clara" he rasped, after what seemed like an eternity  
"What?" she whispered "I...I believe I am sober again now"  
She smiled "That's good, Doctor"  
"But I still have some..feelings that won't go away, and I'm not sure they're from the Cats on the Beach"  
"And what would those be?" Clara asked, carefully  
"It's...hard for me to say. I remember my younger selves having them. I've had them for a while, but I don't quite know how to classify them, let alone how to deal with them, and...I'm afraid" he turned to look at her and it nearly broke her heart  
Those eyes that could be fierce, kind, threatening and determined...they were red-rimmed now, and not because of the alcohol.  
Red-rimmed and dark and scared. Wide open. And looking at her  
"Doctor" she whispered, gently caressing the side of his face, a face that was once new to her but now entirely hers "you of all people know that being afraid is a superpower"  
He smiled weakly at her and looked down at the sand  
"But if it helps any" she hastened to say and took his chin into her hand and lifted it up so that their eyes could meet again "You need never be afraid with me. Never!"

He avoided her eyes and cleared his throat "You told me once that you didn't know who I was anymore and.." "Doctor!" Clara interrupted "I was...Yes! But that was so long ago and I was confused! You are my Doctor, YOU are my Doctor, you have been my Doctor ever since...ever since I can remember! Please Doctor!" and she looked at him with her big brown eyes, pleading, searching "I need you to be the one to say it first. Be brave! For me!"  
"Clara" he grasped her hands "I cannot give you eternity. You have already given yourself that. I cannot give you a normal happy life with a boyfriend. You already had that. I cannot give you growing old together. I'm already old and I can't ask you to ..." he stopped and sighed "I can't do this Clara!" "Go on Doctor, you're doing admirably!" Clara whispered  
The Doctor shook his head but renewed his clasp on her hands and continued "See, in times like these I need your cards more than ever! We brought each other back when we were broken. We motivate each other, make each other better. Well, technically, you make me better. You made me into the man I am today! I am not deserving of you and there are a thousand reasons why I should not ask this of you, but I trust your temper, your wisdom and your self-respect to refuse me now and any time in the future when I tell you that I do not want to be without you anymore Clara! I have loved your tiny little human form ever since I've laid eyes on you and I will love you for as long as I live!"

For a moment, everything was still, except for the rushing of the waves and the harsh breathing of the Doctor.  
Clara had parted from him, now kneeling in front of him and looking at his face as if she's seen him for the first time  
Then, a tentative touch, Clara stroking an errant curl back behind his ear "No forevers, only nows" she whispered  
"No forevers, only nows" he repeated  
"However hurtful it may be, the truth?"  
He hesitated for a second, then nodded and repeated "However hurtful it may be, always the truth"  
Clara slowly edged closer to him in the still warm sand, gently stroked the side of his face and murmured " And will you love me, kiss me, hug me and travel with me for as long we're together, as equals?"  
He looked up into her deep brown eyes and knew that this was his true home, the one he'd been looking for  
"I will" he whispered "I do love you, Clara. More than you can ever know!"  
"And I you, Doctor!" she had a tear in her eye. He knew better than to ask this time


	9. Love is a superpower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara and the Doctor seem to be in quite the happy place now, don't they?  
> Unless...the Doctor has second thoughts  
> But fear not, a happy End is waiting for you! (And them)

She closed her eyes for the kiss she was sure was about to happen now and yelped in surprise when she felt herself being lifted up by two sinewy and surprisingly strong arms instead "Doctor!" she huffed "what are you doing?" "My Clara, my Tardis - this Tomcat fella has had his eyes on you for way too long already" he replied, scowling into the direction of the barkeeper who gave Clara a wink and a wave with his paw..hand...thing as the Doctor marched on, carrying her steadily across the beach towards the Tardis. Clara grinned and slung her arms around his neck. She never knew her Doctor could be so protective and _alpha_ in that way - and she had to admit, she rather liked it "Don't worry, Doctor" she whispered, making sure to brush his ear lightly with her lips as she spoke "I'm only interested in one Alien" She felt him tense slightly and smirked against his hairline. This was going to be very interesting indeed! Thank goodness she had had all these cocktails, she had a feeling she might need the courage!

When they finally reached the Tardis she felt the Doctor shimmying, obviously trying to get the key out of his pockets "Let me... _darling_ " she whispered and let one hand go from around his neck to snap her fingers. The doors opened  
"Oh Clara Oswald, you are a wonder!" he rumbled, carrying her over the threshold and into the control room  
She chuckled softly "Aren't I just? Now, Doctor, you've carried me all the way back to the Tardis and even over the threshold which was very gentlemanly and romantic of you, I admit - but your arms must hurt by now! Let me down?"  
He mumbled something unintelligible about not being bothered in the slightest by her tiny form but let her down and she could have sworn she heard him moan and his back crack just a little as she turned around to face the man she loved, had always loved and would always love  
"I need a shower" she told him, and nearly laughed at his irritated and slightly disappointed face "I've got sand _everywhere_! And then I'll be in my bedroom. Meet me there in twenty?" she pressed a kiss to his cheek and enjoyed the sudden look of realization and shock on his face before she turned around and jumped down the stairs to disappear into the depths of the Tardis, spurred on by her rather enthusiastic sounding whirring noises  
The Doctor, meanwhile, gingerly touched his fingers to the spot on his cheek where Clara had just kissed him and then looked at his fingers, as if expecting to see some sort of unicorn dust left behind  
He could still hardly believe she was real, that  _this_ was real - and apparently to become even more real very soon!  
Suddenly, he was afraid of his own courage and began to think, no, to brood again  
But, he thought, sighing, there was hardly a better place for thinking than the shower and Clara would be expecting him in twenty minutes, one way or the other - he could still talk to her then.  
And so, grudgingly, he made his way to the shower

 

Clara, meanwhile, didn't suspect anything about the Doctor's latest reservations and just squealed with joy when the shower in her ensuite welcomed her and provided her with especially nice-smelling shampoos, conditioners, shower gels, and an alien shaving cream that promised to "get you hair-free or hair-full in all the right places"  
"Right" Clara said to herself "And how do I know what whill do what? I don't want to end up looking like the female version of Tom!"  
Just like that, the tube turned in colour, from red to blue, and she read the label again "Blue for painless hair removal, red for instant hair growth"  
"Aaaaah...well, let's give it a try, then" Clara smirked, and applied it carefully. It worked wonders on her leg without any side effects, so she lathered the rest of her legs, her armpits and between her legs with it and seriously considered nicking this from the Tardis after she saw and felt the results - not even waxing could do this!  
After she was all clean and perfumed, she opted for a light nightdress and sat down on her bed, waiting  
"This is really it!" she thought, starting to feel her heart beating louder and louder, the effect of the cocktails wearing off "Oh my God, I am really going to...we said we love each other! It's really going to happen, isn't it?!"  
She felt both giddy with happiness and nervous  
Finally, there was a timid kock on her door  
"Yes?" She smiled, heart beating wildly but crossing her legs so more of her thighs would show nevertheless  
The door creaked open a bit and the Doctor poked his head in. His hair was still a bit damp from the shower, but other than that, Clara saw, he was fully dressed in his usual attire again  
He looked at her and stared like a deer in the headlights, so she stretched out her hand. Once again, it seemed, she had to be the strong one.  
The door opened a bit more and he stepped in but didn't take her proffered hand  
"Clara" he rasped and then cleared his throat. "Clara...I..." he looked at the floor and her face fell  
"Oh no you won't!" she whispered, standing up, her violet negligeé falling down to her mid-thighs again  
"You don't understand" he whispered to the floor, still not being able to look at her "A Timelord's life is..."  
"basically infinite? dangerous? Trust me, I know all about that!" she interrupted him "And you know how I know that Doctor? Because I ran with you, lived with you from the beginning of time! And I would do it all over again and I will do it till my dying day! That's not the reason you are refusing me now though, is it?! You're afraid, afraid of falling in love! Afraid of falling in love and losing someone you love!" "Clara, you don't know what it's like..." he sounded pained "...to lose someone you love? And not just one, but many? Oh cut the crap, Doctor! You've lost many people you've loved dearly, and so have I! It's hard, it's horrible, but we prevail! And to keep on loving, to keep on hoping, against all odds, isn't that what you always preach? Hell, at least have the decency to look at me when you dump me right after you told me that you love me!" She was shouting at him now and tears were running down her cheeks  
  
  


There was silence for a long time, silence only interrupted by Clara's barely held back sobs  
Then, finally  
"I can't" The Doctor rasped, still looking at his feet  
"WHAT?" Clara shouted  
"I can't look at you Clara" the Doctor whispered, "because if I do, I know that my resolve is going to go to hell. I need to keep us both safe - from each other. And I can't do that when I...I can't look at you, be with you, I just...love you too much!" he ended, brokenly  
"Doctor" Clara sobbed "I am so terribly sorry about your losses and all those you had to leave behind! Susan, Adric, Sarah Jane, Rose, River, Donna, Amy" - she saw him wringing his hands - "but I have lost nearly my whole family. And that was only in this life. I have lost each and every one of you, and I always came back! You know it! I'm Clara Oswin Oswald, the Impossible Girl! I have had my fair share of mourning as well! And..." she said, kneeling down and taking his hands into hers, looking up at him "I can understand why you're afraid and don't want to risk it again. But in the end, isn't that what makes us human, alien? What makes our heart, or hearts, beating? What keeps us from getting cold, unkind and cruel? Love?" And she rose and touched a hand tentatively to his chest, right between his two hearts.  
Finally, he raised his eyes from the floor and looked at her.  
His eyes were red-rimmed and oh so hurting  
"Do you love me?" she whispered, touching his cheek lightly  
He closed his eyes at her touch and sighed, leaning into her as if he was starving for her affection  
"More than you could possibly know" he murmurmed  
"Make that double" she smiled, putting her other hand into his wild locks and gently guiding his face down.  
When they were only a hairspreadth apart, she whispered "Fear might be a superpower, but it will never rule us, do you understand me?"  
He opened his eyes and saw her big brown eyes, her luscious lips, the beautiful face that belonged to the beautiful, amazing, clever and strong woman that he had loved for such a long time already, smiled and whispered "Yes Boss!" before he held her close to him and finally, finally kissed her.  
  
When he felt Clara's lips on his for the first time, giving back as good as she got, sighing into the kiss and making him holding onto her tighter in return, he knew - he knew that he was never going to let go of her anymore, that she was his forever now!  
No matter how long this forever of theirs would last.  
  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it Chaps!  
> Thanks for sticking around with Clara, Twelve, Me and my humble me all that time, I hope you enjoyed the ride!  
> As always, I'd be very grateful for comments - critique, praise, whatever really. They help every author, not just me, to get better and motivate us to keep writing. Your support means a lot to us! Other than that, happy shipping and see you soon! X


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